I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
