Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
