I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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