How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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