just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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