So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
