I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
