I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize