I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
