She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
