walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
