I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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