I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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