I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
