Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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