Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so let's talk penis.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
