In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
