I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently you make a good broom.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
