You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
