I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
