I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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