so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
