She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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