if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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