you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
