Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
