Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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