I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
