i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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