This is not my ceiling
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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