I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
