He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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