idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
