I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
