i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
