I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
