I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
