I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh god it's open bar.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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