hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
