I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
