It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
