I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
birth control should be required to get into college
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
