Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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