the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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