I think my vagina is haunted
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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