Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
