Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
