Farmville is her only friend.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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