woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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