Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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