So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
