yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
