What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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