This dress was meant to end up on your floor
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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