i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
