Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
