yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
