I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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