Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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