She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
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woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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