i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
