let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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