ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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