i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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