I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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