If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
