Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
