I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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