Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
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I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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