If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
