Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
