do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
