I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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