Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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