I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
