The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
