You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
