I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
