Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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